I went to bed that night wondering and worrying about how the days to come are going to be. How will people take this info about me? Will they judge me? Will they think of me as a slut? My mind went on and on for hours until I was to tired to think anymore. After hours of thinking and worrying I finally fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up and I knew right then and there that things in my life will never be the same. My life had changed and not for the best, and how could that be I was only 14 I had a whole life ahead of me. Although this one thing, this one big thing makes a big difference.
As days went on and he pressured me more and more I could feel my life slipping away. How could this be normal? How is this how relationships worked? Those were the questions I asked day in and day out.
My world was in a spiral down fall and I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Was this how my life was going to be? I could not talk to anyone because if I did and he found out I was dead. I did not know if he really would or not but I was not taking that risk.
I thought that this happening to me was the worst thing that could ever happen but it was not it was just the beginning. I ended up falling into a deep depression and putting on a show for everyone so they did not know.
As a month went on I could not take it anymore. He told me I would never find any one else. That no one would ever want me. So I stayed he had me trapped. He had me thinking I was not good enough for anyone, that this was how it worked.
He would play what he called “our song”, when he turned that on it was my cue he wanted me. Not because he loved me but because he wanted to get off. I was being used and I knew no better. If I did not go right away he would throw a fit. He would get angry and throw things. How could I not go right away when I knew there would be consequences? This went on for a couple of months until I no longer could take it anymore. I was going to finally stand my ground. I was finally going to stand up and say enough is enough I am done.
One day after school I headed over to his house. As I was walking I was trying to come up with the courage to end this today for good. I got there and went into his room. I told him I could not do this anymore. I could not live my life like this. He first started out by apologizing and saying it won’t happen again that he did not want to hurt me. I stood my ground though and I would not back down. Then it happened he started threatening me he would not let me leave he blocked me in. He turned up the radio and blocked the door. He was playing with his butterfly knife doing those tricks that everyone did. He put it up to my throat. He pressed it against my neck. All the hurt and all the pain started And I was starting to feel relieved when he made that small cut. Yes I was worrried I was terrified, but right then and there I knew that whenever I feel the way I do I can cut myself and that pain will be relieved. Although that was a split thought because then reality hit me. Was this it? Was I going to die?
Before I knew it someone was at his bedroom door knocking on it wanting in. He’s yelling at them to go away that we would be out in a bit. They would not budge though they kept knocking. I felt a relief come across me this was my chance to leave and not look back. That’s what I did the minute he opened that door I took off. I went out the front door and never looked back. Although this was not the end to my hurt and pain it was the end of this part.