Today is another day. Another day to dwell over the past and worry about the future. Today is another day to think about the what if’s and the who knows.
Lets take a look back about 14 years when my life started with the bumps. I was 14 I was a 8th grader in middle school. I had already grew up being bullied, but now is when my intense life starts.
I had gotten my first grown up boyfriend and I was naive. I thought I was in love but was I really? He was 16 I was 14 he was ready to do grown up things I was not. Although that did not stop him. That did not sink into his head. One day at his house hanging out with his family and friends, he calls me into his room. He shuts his door puts a knife in the floor to where no one can open up the door. He turns up the radio and pushes me on the bed. I look at him with worry. He starts to kiss me. He begins to take his hands and feel up and down my body. I start to squirm begging him to slow down. That I do not want to do this, that I just want to kiss. He then pulls out his pocket knife, he puts it to my throat. He then says to me if you scream I will slit your throat. So I just begged and cried for him to stop. He then procced to do what he wanted to me as I lay there scared feeling disgusted. When he was done he told me not to tell any one anything. That this is our little secret and that he loved me. I did not know better. I thought this is how things was. He took the knife out of the door and let me walk out reminding me that this was how things worked, this was just our secret. He told me to act normal to go on like nothing happened.
That day my world turned upside down, that was the first day I started acting like things was just fine. That was the day I lost everything. I lost my respect for others, I lost my soul, I lost my will to be alive to move on to be happy again. This was the day my life literally twisted upside down for the first time.
How was I going to move on? How was I going to live with this on my shoulders? What was people going to think of me if and when they found out? These where the words running through my mind as I walked home that day. As I felt disgusting and gross. I get home take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face. I walk into the door hoping I do not run into anyone in my family because I do not want to talk and I do not want to lie. This was the first day of many down hills after.