It had been a couple of months since I had went through my first tragedy. I was just starting to learn how to deal with the pain. I had started cutting, which to me was a feeling of relief. Every time I did it I felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. To me it was calming, it was relaxing, but to others it was horrifying and worrying. Although I did not broadcast it to the world others did see my scars. They asked questions. At this time I was getting all this attention, attention I did not want. Why I had asked? Why now after I had already been through what I thought was the hardest time of my life.
I asked myself where were these people when I needed them months ago. When I could have used a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug, an ear that would listen or even the advice of what I should do. Why could they not have been around then. Little did I know that what happened all those months was just the beginning of a very depressing exhausting life.
As days went on and my scars began to start healing I found myself pining over another. Over someone who had several others attention. I never thought that out of all the others that I would be the one to make the move that would change my world forever. Although I ask what was it that made me want to get to know this one particular guy? Trust me when I say that others had thought and asked me that same question and to this day they still do.
It was a warm summer day and I was at a friend’s house we had walked to this building down the street. It had a soda machine and a pay phone which is why we had went. She did not have a phone at her house and that was how her and her siblings contacted others. I still remember like it was yesterday what had happened and what was said. My friend had called the guy I liked which she also had a crush on him and that was who she had went to the pay phone to call. They had been talking for a while when all of a sudden she handed me the phone and said here talk to him I have to run home real quick.
This is where it all started this one short conversation. I was singing a song and had jumbled some of the words he jumped in and of course corrected me. We laughed and he was making fun of me, then he asked me what I was doing later that day which I was busy because I was staying with my friend. He went on to say that there was something about me something he wanted to get to know better, that there was something I was hiding behind all the shyness. He asked me for my home phone number not thinking that he would actually call me a few days later. I was cautious at first but I was also very flattered. He knew just what to say especially for a 16-year-old. My friend had come back and got on the phone. She finished her converstation with him and they said their goodbyes as did I.
As we were walking back to her house she asked what we had talked about and if anything was said about her? I did not tell her that he had asked me for my phone number and was flirting with me on the phone. I did not want to hurt her feelings or at the time make her hate me. Little did I know that this one guy would come between her and I as well as many more people down the road, and that we would no longer be friends.
Fast forward a few days and I am sitting at home doing what ever it was I did at that point in my life, the phone rang. My mom had answered and I could hear her say hold on let me see if I can find her. She calls my name and I answer. She says you have a phone call. Nervous but eager to know who it was I took the phone and said hello. On the other end of the phone I hear “Hey how is it going, what are you doing?” To my surprise it was him, it was the guy I had been crushing on for a couple of weeks now.