As I started to see the changes, I also started to see him slipping away. At this point I was stuck. I thought I was in love so I did anything he wanted just to be with him. He started to tell me how to dress, how to wear my hair, I was not allowed to wear makeup, was not aloud to have guys as friends or even to talk to any guy what so ever, no matter what. I was losing everyone slowly just to be with him.
I started flunking out of school, ignoring any one that still wanted to have anything to do with me, I was even pushing my family away. As he was continuing to control my life he started to go out more hang out with more people especially girls. I was devasted I was to naive though to leave him. Of course we fought and even broke up off and on we were still drawn back to each other. Yet how can I keep letting someone control my every move my everything?
One weekend we went to a party that had mutual friends between us both. Of course I lied to my parents and said I was staying at a friends. We were having a good time until his mom showed up and made him go home. I asked what he wanted me to do stay at the party or go with him. He said he did not care that I could stay. I believed him but boy was I wrong. I should have left when he did I should have just gone home. I did not though. I stayed with people I thought were my friends. Which we were at one point but that all changed. There was a guy there he was cute I will not lie. Although I only thought about him as a friend. Little did I know he was not a friend and apparently was any one else there.
It had started to get dark and we had already started drinking. I was really starting to miss my boyfriend. I called him and started to talk to him. Something was different though his voice and tone with me had changed. He said everything was okay but it was not. After awhile he finally admitted he was mad because I had stayed at the party without him. What made things worse about it all was that those so called friends I was talking about were calling him when I was not around and was telling him lies. They was telling him I was cheating on him with that guy that I had mentioned was my so called friend.
Well things got worse and we got in a even bigger fight. I ended up breaking up with him because he could and would not believe me when I told him I was not doing anything. He did not trust me and why? I had never given him a reason to never trust me unlike him. He had me so mad that I went out side the house and was standing on the porch and I punched the house. This was not one of those houses with the plastic siding it was a brick house with little sharp brick tips sticking out. I messed up my hand. It was bleeding and swollen.
These so called friends came over to me and told me that I needed to leave they did not care where I went I was just not allowed there. I had no where to go. I had told my mom I was staying at one of their houses. They did not care they pushed me off the property and ganged up on me until I started walking down the street. They followed me half way down the street to make sure I did not turn around.
In trying to deal with low self-esteem, focus on the positive. When doing that, we feel more positive, happier and self-assured, right? Our self-esteem is heightened when we are in a positive state of mind.
Let’s consider why it’s been difficult to overcome low self-esteem. The likelihood is that past events or a current trigger has left your self-esteem low, which contributes to your current state of mind, which for many of us can be negative.
The roots of your low self-esteem are not to be ignored, but for the purpose of moving into a happier mindset, let’s focus on the feelings you want to obtain today; happiness and higher self-esteem. By proactively shifting some of your negative behaviors and thoughts in the moment, you can increase your self-esteem tremendously and start to overcome low self-esteem.
Here are some things to remember when your low self-esteem is really kicking you around.
The first step in dealing with low self-esteem is to recognize the negative statements you are telling yourself.
These “-ould statements” are unproductive. They build up and make it difficult to overcome your low self-esteem (we all tend to go to this place on occasion, myself included). My suggestion: don’t should on yourself! This is not the way to deal with low self-esteem. This gets you looped into the low self-esteem cycle of thinking. Instead, focus on what you can do and move forward into positive thoughts. When you catch yourself “shoulding,” rephrase it to:
Give yourself a break and focus on what you can do next time, not what happened in the past.
It may not seem like it, but self-care is an important step in overcoming low self-esteem. Self-care is a gentle reminder that you deserve to feel good and produces positive feelings inward, which radiates outward.
Going to the gym, eating a healthy meal, watching that show that makes you laugh are examples of self-care. For me, self-care is taking time away from technology, taking a bubble bat or watching Modern Family while enjoying some ice cream. These are ways I support my body and my mind in feeling my best and they allow me to shift my focus into a positive mindset.
I know this can be difficult, but often times you have to change your surroundings or your current situation to shift your negative self-talk into a more positive conversation. My suggestion: get out of your head. I often times have to leave my desk, go on a walk, listen to music, call a good friend, meditate, or read something, but I don’t let my mood take over, I distract with loving, proactive activities.
Find out what activities help to increase your self-esteem and share them in the comments below. By you sharing your tools for dealing with and overcoming low self-esteem, you are helping others to find new methods for increasing their self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is seeing yourself as inadequate, unacceptable, unworthy, unlovable, and/or incompetent. These beliefs create negative, self-critical thoughts that affect your behaviour and your life choices, often lowering your self-esteem even further. Using the tools of mindfulness, you can learn to look at situations, other people and yourself objectively, without the negative influence of the past and with the awareness that you always have a choice, says Deborah Ward.
Live in the moment
When you are focused on the moment, you can choose your actions consciously and wisely, unaffected by the hurts of your past and unconcerned by worries or hopes about the future.
When we’re aware, we can recognise how we are responding and reacting to our own fears, creating a moment between our emotions and our actions. We can then choose to respond in a healthier way.
Write in a journal
Many of our thoughts and feelings are locked in our subconscious mind and writing can help to bring them into our awareness. Writing about the way we feel and think can help to separate negative ideas about ourselves from the truth of who we really are.
When we approach our lives non-judgementally, we simply accept ourselves, our experiences, our failures and successes and other people just as they are, neither good or bad, without pride or shame.
Stay connected to yourself
Mindfulness can help you to develop a sense of connection to yourself and reduce your people-pleasing ways by allowing you to stop the autopilot thinking and behaviour that keeps you jumping to please others without thinking of your own needs.
Practice mindful meditation
Meditation just means letting go of the racing thoughts in your mind and accepting that those thoughts, feelings and beliefs are transient, rather than parts of yourself. Take a few moments every day to simply be still, focus on your breathing and watch your worries drift away like clouds.
Participate in your own life
Mindfulness encourages us to become active and assertive in creating our own lives. Awareness of your thoughts and choosing your responses to them enables you to take action and participate in your own life.
Develop a beginner’s mind
When you have a beginner’s mind, you look at things as if you are seeing them for the first time, with openness, eagerness and freedom from expectation. You can see things in a new light, rather than automatically responding with the same old patterns of behaviour.
Non-attachment, or letting go, is the goal of mindfulness. When you let go of what you think you should do or who you should be, you can trust yourself and choose what’s right for you.
Show compassion toward yourself
You deserve love as much as anyone else. Self-compassion simply means providing yourself with the love, safety and acceptance you need.
Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness by Deborah Ward.
How can someone be that way? How can someone be okay with violating another. Do they not expect respect, loyalty and trust? What gives someone the right to push the limits of something so secret?
Oh I am sorry there did I side track you with my protesting and/or as others would call it “complaining.” Let me get back to the my story….
When I first met this new guy I was dating my last first grown up relationship boyfriend. They were like best friends. I was hoping and praying he would not be like his friend, at first he was not. As time went on I started to see that he was no different actually he might be worse.
The longer I hung out with him the longer I started doing the things he did. I started skipping school, dropping out of classes, drinking, smoking, staying out all night, partying all night, but the worst thing was lying to my parents. He was starting to turn me into a rebel a ‘bad’ girl. But that was not the ony thing he was turning me into. I started skipping out on friends, chosing him over them, started to have low self-esteem, and just changing all together. How can someone have so much power over someone?
I was losing my place in life I was losing my way over what, a guy? I thought this was true love. I thought this was everlasting love that we will be together forever. I was 15 how did I know that I was ruining my life. Days and months went on and things changed slowly. I did not know it but my boyfriend the guy I loved started cheating on me and pinning me against his friends, family, and other girls. He was starting to manipulate me. Turning me against other, friends, family and myself. We started fighting. He started throwing things. Threats of leaving and harmful words were starting to be said. It was getting bad, but the naive person I am I looked the other way and did not notice the sign. The sign that said things was only going to get worse.
Here are some good Self Esteem tips. Hopefully they will help you or help others.
Here you can see what real Self-Esteem looks like.